Lost, Found, & Leaning In
With the deactivation of my Twitter account a few days ago, and the deletion of my Tumblr pages for that matter, comes a sense of liberation and clarity. That and a deeply inspirational conversation with my wife that made me remember who I was at my core. The things I want most in life and the person I’ve always been striving to be. Finding fuel that motivates me to wake up everyday and achieve those goals and any other goal I set my mind to has been…rediscovered. How did I rediscover it? Well, I got in my time machine and took a journey to the distant-ish past! Back to where I was 100% sure of what I wanted to be. Back to….The 90’s!
MIDNIGHT SHADOWS PRESENTS-Circa 1994
Just two years after the formation of Image Comics and a couple years out of high school my friends and I self-published the FIRST creator-owned comic I ever did! An ashcan anthology that featured the very first appearance of my character Reyven (who takes up the space in the bottom corner of the wraparound cover) in his own story. I don’t currently have any interiors to this, but a part of me is kind of glad. Just a little.
DAYDREAM STUDIOS PREVIEW - Circa 1999-2000
Seven years later, after a few life choices, a bit more growing up, tons of portfolio reviews at SDCC and local cons, the birth of my son, and a handful of other odds and ends, most of those same friends from the first self-published anthology and I got back together for our second attempt. This time around we all had jobs and actually sprung for the full-sized professionally printed version. It was pretty magical (and grueling) at the time. Looking at this now compared to what was on the shelves in 2000 it’s very clear our little black & white comic did not hold up, but we were DAMN proud of it at the time. Reyven again graces the front cover of the book. The Joe Mad influence was strong, but so was my OWN actual anime and manga influences. Joe and those that followed were already doing what I was headed towards. So, it was easy to follow to what Christopher Hart called “Fusion Style”. Below are a couple of interior pages. We cut and pasted the word balloons old school. Again, having 22 more years of knowledge and experience under my belt it almost hurts my eyes to look at, but is chicken soup for my soul.
DEVIANT ART, PENCILJACK & THE IMAGE COMICS MESSAGE BOARDS - Circa 2002
So, in 2002 with the internet boom, message boards, and online communities I eventually came back to the character Reyven with what would essentially be his third update. I got a little bit better as an artist, still weak as a writer, but stronger as a world-builder and concept creator. As I got deeper into the online comics community (aka proto-social media) I also gained more friends who were great colorists, letterers, and logo designers. Websites like Penciljack, Wizard Message Boards, and eventually Deviant Art and the Image Comics boards were nothing short of a comic creator mecca! From Robert Kirkman to Skottie Young, Mark Brooks to Sanford Greene these message boards were churning out the superstars of comics today and folks were getting called to the big leagues pretty regularly. The talent there was absolutely nuts and as much as I had my heart set on that Big Two call so that I can work on Spider-Man or Teen Titans, I REALLY had my eye on getting my own book at Image Comics. With stars in my eyes and a plan to pitch damn near anything I came up with to Image I hit the ground running. I had a pretty good relationship at Shadowline and I think I pitched it there. Jim Valentino wasn’t interested in superheroes at the time and passed, but liked the concept. Also, pitching it to Shadowline meant I couldn’t pitch it to Image Central, but I appreciated all the feedback I got from Jim and Kris Simon. Kris Simon and I are still good friends today.
Below is a decent chunk of what was actually produced:
THE BIG LEAGUES AND A DREAM DEFERRED…SORTA - CIRCA 2003 to PRESENT
In 2003 Jay Faerber called me up to the big leagues to do a couple of back-ups in Noble Causes. Since that point I have been working off and on doing work for hire gigs at various companies while work on my creator-owned stories became less of a priority. I did pitch several books from 2004 - 2014 to mixed reception, but none landed. Midnight Tiger and New Haven came the closest. The New Haven experience in 2004 was better because I got an actual response from Erik Larsen that fueled me tremendously! He liked it and said I was right there, but the art wasn’t where it needed to be. That I COULD get there in a few issues, but it would be better not to do that on a new book. Better that I should work that stuff out on other gigs. Some of the best advice I ever got and he was right. I DID work that stuff out on other projects. However, what remained constant was that Reyven was still with me. Even after one or two more design upgrades I was still trying to tell his story. Hell, by 2014 I had built an entire universe…or four! Reyven now resides in the Midnight Tiger universe (but is it actually Reyven’s universe since he was first?!?). He’s supposed to sport the dragon emblem shown in the image below instead of the Nightwing-esque one he has in Midnight Tiger, but I’d forgotten the design by the time I did the book. We’ll see what happens when next he appears.
THE WHOLE POINT OF ME TIME TRAVELING
I had to time travel in order to remember who I was. Why I do what I do. I now finally remember what that is. What I am is a storyteller. That’s why I do this and it always has been. I forgot that somewhere along the way. I never learned to draw just for drawing sake. Everything I drew had some kind of a story behind it. I would spend hours with my best friends as a kid just making up characters and stories. I learned to draw so that I could tell those stories better. Mostly MY stories or stories about comics and/or any other characters I came across that I thought had a good journey in them. I even used to make stories about the Rollie-Pollie bugs I’d find in the yard.
At some point I got completely wrapped up in the beauty of the drawing, the fanfare & admiration (or lack thereof) of the project I was on, and ultimately the stress of making money doing this job. Now, my need to make a living is still very much an important thing, BUT those other things? Total wasted energy. That said, I’m not interested in making a terribly drawn story. I’ve already done that! LOL! All I know is that I am a competent enough artist now that I can tell a clear and well drawn story without stressing over making every page a masterpiece. What I also know, or better yet remembered, is that I draw to tell stories because I’m a storyteller. THAT is what I’m going to be re-focusing on from now on. So, I’ll be setting myself up to do so the next 30 days and that means more comics. Posted one here just to get the ball rolling.
Making pretty pictures is just a byproduct.
-Ray